Tell Me I Am Not Alone by Joyce Kaestner

I watched him take a downward spiral, slowly slipping away from me. He was heading toward his eternal home. Yet, I was sure God would answer the many prayers for my husband Chuck's healing and return to a meaningful life as lay minister and counselor. He was such a part of my life. I knew I would not be the same without him.

I was right! He died at 51. I was alone in a deep dark hole. People around me were unable to pull me out. Yes, God was there. Still, feelings of fear, anger, loneliness and anxiety were my constant companions. Some days it took my dog's needs to get me out of bed.

A huge gaping hole could not be filled. Remember, in marriage two become one. Now that union was irreparably torn. Thoughts and memories were painful at times-but so were words of some well-meaning people. (So, be careful what you say to those who grieve.)

God gives us time to heal from the death of a spouse. The light is at the end of the tunnel, but the walk to that light is slow, and it is different for each individual widow. Just as each person is unique, so is each widow's walk toward renewal.

Perhaps you have walked the widow's walk. Perhaps you know someone who has. Consider these guidelines for offering help to widows on their journey:

DO

• Be there for her.
• Go to the funeral; words are not necessary. Your presence says more than enough.
• Encourage church attendance. Call or offer a ride, even if she drives.
• Hugs are great! Don't pull away quickly.
• Send a Christian card after the funeral letting her know people have not simply gone on with their lives and forgotten. Words of encouragement are helpful.
• Call just to say "hi."
• Sit next to her in church. Don't ask; just sit down.
• Stop at her house if you are in the neighborhood. Bring a sandwich or a new flavor of tea.
• Please let her cry.

DON'T

• Tell her not to feel that way.
• Tell her to get on with her life.
• Tell her it will get better.
• Tell her he is better off.
• Tell her her emotions are "wrong."

Christian love, listening, acceptance will help and encourage widowed friends as you "walk" with them.