My Road to Motherhood By Teena Dorn I know how important a family is. I realize how important a mother is. My mother died when I was 16. My dad has not been able to tell me he loves me. Few things have impacted my life more. Years of counseling brought me through much pain to discover I’m, above all, a child of God. When I finally got married at age 38 — which was just the right age for me — my husband and I were ready to start thinking about a family. Since the “usual way” wasn’t working, we visited a fertility clinic and went through about a year’s worth of a variety of embarrassing tests only to find out there were no problems. Although we had talked about the possibility of adoption while dating, we were not committed to it because we were not certain we would be able to love a child not of our own flesh and blood. We decided, however, that it was time to re-open the discussion. There were so many things to consider: Do we go through foster care or local adoption or international adoption? We took time to pray and research the options. We decided to go with international adoption. My husband was born in the Philippines, where his parents were missionaries. If you walked into my in-laws’ home, it would be difficult to ignore that their lives had been influenced by another culture. I enjoyed many a Filipino meal and story in their home. Our country was chosen easily. A newsletter my husband’s parents received led us to an adoption agency that had a Philippine office in Indiana. Even though we lived out-of-state, the distance did not prove to be a problem because of the Internet and e-mail. When the first package of paperwork arrived for us to fill out, we attacked it like it was a part-time job. We had heard from friends that it could take years to adopt, so we wanted to cut down on as much time as possible. I was ready to go! Six months later, the Philippine government officially accepted us as adoptive parents. The next step: Fill out a multi-page document, describe the child we hoped to adopt, and wait — we were told — for about three months to be matched. The following week we were surprised to receive news that a match had already been made! There was a glitch: Angelica was a two-year old and we had asked for an infant. I had such a range of emotions — I was not sure I was ready to be a first-time parent and also have to deal with the temperament of two-year old! I tried to pray about this. We waited the weekend. My husband decided the child’s age was not an issue for him, but I was not able to accept it. On Monday, my husband called and declined the child. The same day, a package arrived with Angelica’s picture and background information. I looked into her bright, smiling, mischievous eyes and cried. I cried the next day too. We prayed. I cried. I felt so afraid; I told my husband I thought I had made a big mistake. I prayed for guidance. By Thursday, I was convinced that I had made a big mistake and asked my hus-band to call the agency back to see if we could change our mind. He told me I needed to call. I was sure I would break down in tears during the call, but I knew I had to make that call myself. A tearful conversation yielded the answer I wanted to hear: Angelica would be ours. I cried some more while my husband finished the call. The agency contact person suggested we read the book Toddler Adoption to help with any questions we might have. Good, because I had tons! We were excited about going to the Philippines to get Angelica. We read and reread the paperwork about her. Just as a mother bonds with her baby in the womb, I was already bonding with our little girl from afar. A friend gave us a baby shower and made magnets with the photo we had received from the agency. It was comforting to see those magnets on the refrigerators of our friends and family and know that they were praying for our family. Months and months went by. Deadlines passed with no progress. Our agency was baffled by the delays. After making a round of calls, I discovered that a typo on the documentation had delayed the adoption. The correction was made, but since this case was not deemed a priority, we were told we would need to wait several more months. That did it! I was furious! I was so tired of hearing people say, “In God’s time.” Was this really God’s time? Did God really want a child to be without her family? What if she needed help or medical attention? I was so angry with God one night I could not even pray. My husband encouraged me by saying, “Tell Him how angry you are.” I yelled and cried at God until I got it out of my system. When I calmed down, I took the advice of a friend: I called my U.S. senator’s office to see if they could speed the process. They directed me to the appropriate authorities, and after spending the entire day making calls or being put on hold, a supervisor agreed to reprioritize the case! In August 2000, nearly a year from the start of the process, we returned home from the Philippines with Angelica at our side. Looking back, I see God was with us every step of the way. Recently, Angelica snuggled up to me after we came home from our second trip to the Philippines — this time, to bring home her new baby brother. “Mom,” she said, “I feel bad for you. You are the only person in our family who was not born in the Philippines.” I laughed. Stressed and blessed — and still laughing — seem to sum up this Texas gal’s road to motherhood. Teena (Isaacs) Dorn grew up in Texas, where she studied fashion and costume design and business. She finished her B.S. in New York where she met and married Peter, an LCMS pastor. Together they have two children, Angelica (8) and Aaron (2), who were adopted from the Philippines. Currently, Teena lives in Illinois and is a member of St. John's Lutheran Church in Country Club Hills. A stay-at home mother, Teena also freelances as a designer for publications, T-shirts, and promotional items.